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| How to Know If a Guy Loves You: 7 Proven Signs of True Love |
Introduction: Why is this question in every woman's heart?
Every woman asks this question at some point in her life: "How to know if a guy loves you or not?" or "how to know if a guy loves you?"
Between the complexities of relationships and the expectations of society, it becomes difficult to understand whether the other person truly loves you or is just with you for convenience.
I (Mehul) can understand this question very well. Because during our marriage, when Kiran and I went through 7 months of painful separation, this question was on Kiran's mind the most. She used to think: "Does Mehul really love me, or is he just with me out of habit?"
That's when I started asking myself: What is the identity of love? Is it just in saying I love you, or is it in everyday behavior, repair attempts after fights, and planning for the future?
Gottman Institute Research also says that love is not hidden in grand gestures, but in small everyday actions. And today I will explain this to you with both my story and research.
Signs of daily life: Love is hidden in everyday life
If you really want to understand how to know if a guy loves you, then first observe his daily actions. Because love is not dramatic like in films, but is seen in small consistent moments.
Turning Toward Bids
Kiran often tried to connect with me in small ways—sometimes by sending memes, sometimes by casually saying, "I am very tired today."
Earlier I used to ignore these signals. After separation, I understood that these are the real tests of love.
Gottman Institute This is called turning toward bids. That is, when you want to connect and your partner responds genuinely.
👉 If a guy pays attention to what you say, acknowledges your small gestures, then it is a strong sign that he loves you.
👉 If he ignores repeatedly, then it is a red flag of emotional unavailability.
Repair Attempts during Conflict
Every couple fights. But the real answer to how to know if a guy loves you is hidden in his behavior after the fights.
I remember, once we had a huge fight. I walked out in anger. But after a while I texted: "I'm sorry, can we reset?"
Kiran later said that that one line made her feel that I didn't want to lose her.
These are repair attempts — soft words, humor, or simply saying, "Let's start again."
Research shows that these attempts save relationships.
| Aspect | Like (Convenience Energy) | Love (Priority Energy) |
|---|---|---|
| Time & Attention | Only when he's free or bored | Makes time even when busy |
| Future Talk | Vague, avoids planning | Uses "we" language, makes plans |
| During Conflicts | Blames, makes excuses | Takes accountability, repairs |
| Your Dreams | Ignores or dismisses | Actively supports and encourages |
| Integration | Keeps you private | Proudly introduces to his world |
feeling safe around him
"If you can be yourself around him—that is real love."
Kiran says that with me she never had to overthink. She was able to remain the way she is. This is psychological safety.
Healthline Tells that safety, respect and calmness are markers of healthy love.
If he keeps you anxious—constantly putting you in a guessing game—it's not love.
But if you feel calm, safe, and accepted, it's a sign of deep love.
Proud to choose you
Love isn't just private. If he really loves you, he will proudly introduce you into his world.
After the separation, I openly said at a party: "This is my wife, Kiran."
That moment was simple, not dramatic, but priceless for Kiran.
(Also read When your boyfriend doesn't introduce you to his family)
🌟 Struggling to Understand His True Feelings?
If you're constantly wondering about his intentions and feeling confused about where you stand, you're not alone. Many women struggle with understanding the subtle signs of genuine love versus casual interest.
Discover the psychology behind male emotions and unlock the secrets that can transform your relationship forever.
Learn His Secret Psychology →Texting and digital signals: Signs of love online
Nowadays digital communication is a part of every relationship. Therefore how to know if a guy loves you through text is also a big question.
Consistency is better than intensity
Initially I sent long romantic messages to Kiran. But after separation I realized that real love is not in loud words but in consistent presence.
Even on busy days, I would send her small check-in messages - "Did you eat?", "How's your meeting?"
Kiran says that these texts made her feel most safe.
(Read: Why He Acts Distant but Still Texts)
Talking about the future in text
When a guy casually talks about the future in his texts, it is not a random thing. It is an integration strategy that comes from deep in his heart.
Suppose he says:
- "We should try that café sometime."
- "Next summer we can go hiking together."
- "When you meet my friends, they'll love your vibe."
These lines aren't just small talk. They subconsciously tell him that he's including you in his future vision.
When I reconnected with Kiran after the separation, I noticed that my texts automatically changed to "we" language. Earlier I used to say "I want to go there" but later it became "We should go there". This shift was very subtle, but it meant a lot to Kiran. She felt—now I am truly including her in my world.
Psychology Today This also says that men who are serious about commitment, their conversations are naturally future-oriented and "we" centered. A man who is just casually interested will be vague about the future or will avoid the topic.
👉 Practical tip: If his texts constantly contain language like "we", "our" and "next time", then it is a clear sign of love. But if he avoids every plan or always gives "I don't know" type answers, then it is a warning.
The Journey from Like to Love
Each stage requires genuine emotional investment and consistency
being mentally available
The biggest marker of love is whether he/she is emotionally and mentally available or not.
Kiran always says that my small gestures for her were the biggest proof. Like remembering her favourite song, noting her deadlines, or when she casually said "I have a headache", I would bring green tea for her the next day.
These gestures might seem small, but they are the signals that indicate that the person is emotionally invested.
If a guy really loves you, he will not only celebrate your big achievements but will also be present in your small problems and little joys.
For me, this change came after the separation. Earlier, I would ignore Kiran's small cues—like she casually said "there was a lot of work today", and I would just reply "ok". But when I started giving her priority, I paid attention to her small signals. And this consistency made her feel that I was really invested.
👉 Practical tip: See if he remembers your random details. Does he order your favourite food? Does he take care of your important exam or meeting? If yes, then it is a sign of pure love.
👉 You can understand from these signals how much daily-life and texting clues reveal whether a boy really loves you or not. But the test does not end here. The real test of love comes in conflict and future commitment.
Conflict or tension: the true test of love
Every guy can seem charming and loving when everything is going smoothly. But the real answer to how to know if a guy loves you comes when there is stress or conflict in the relationship.
Accountability vs. Excuses
My biggest mistake before separation was that I used to blame. I used to say:
- "I was busy."
- "You have too many expectations."
But the truth is that I was not taking responsibility myself.
After the reunion, I learnt that real love doesn't look for excuses, but takes accountability. When I openly told Kiran, "Yes, it was my mistake", only then the trust between us was restored.
Gottman Institute According to research also, accountability is the foundation of long-term trust.
👉 Practical tip: If the guy repeatedly blames the other in fights and never accepts his mistake, then it is immature love. But if he takes responsibility for his mistakes, then it is a sign of maturity and true love.
5:1 positivity ratio
Love is seen even in conflict. Gottman has given a powerful concept: 5:1 positivity ratio. That is, to balance every negative, there should be at least five positives.
I experienced this in my marriage. Whenever there was a fight, if I gave a soft smile, brought water for her, or cracked a small joke – the atmosphere would change. These gestures were proof for Kiran that even though we are fighting, I am not her enemy.
(Read: Avoidant Attachment in Men) — In this we wrote about how avoidant men run away from conflicts, but men invested in love eventually return and repair them.
👉 Practical tip: See if he cares for you even during a fight? Does he do small things that reduce your tension? This is real love.
Future and Commitment: Integration Steps
Love is not just for today, its real test is in the future. The biggest sign of how to know if a guy loves you is whether he gives you a place in his future or not.
Bringing you into my world
When a guy is truly committed, he doesn't limit you to private messages or date nights. He brings you into his world—introducing you to his friends, family, and social circle.
Before the separation, I made the mistake of keeping Kiran at a distance from my family. I was afraid that if I introduce her openly, my friends or family might not like her. But actually it was a lack of commitment.
I changed this after the reunion. For the first time I took Kiran to a family gathering and proudly introduced her: "This is my wife, Kiran." At that moment Kiran told me—"Mehul, today I felt that you are really committed."
👉 Practical tip: If he always keeps you private, gives excuses that "now is not the right time," then this is a red flag. But if he proudly introduces you into his world, then this is proof of pure love and commitment.
supporting your goals
Love isn't just proved by saying "I'm there for you." It's shown by whether he supports your dreams and ambitions.
I learned this myself after the separation. Earlier, I used to take Kiran's writing projects lightly. I used to think—"It's a side hobby." But when I truly learned to be her partner, I encouraged her, kept track of her deadlines, and felt proud of her work.
Healthline also says that healthy love grows individuality, it does not crush it. If it is suppressing your goals and identity, then it is not love but control.
👉 Practical tip: See how seriously he takes your dreams. Does he only talk about his ambitions, or think about growing together with you?
Like vs. Love - Reality Check
Many women are confused whether the guy just likes them or really loves them. The difference is subtle, but very deep.
Convenience Energy vs Priority Energy
Convenience Energy: When he is with you only when he has time. This relationship is based on convenience, not love.
Priority Energy: When he makes room for you even in his busy schedule. That's real love.
Kiran always says that before the separation, I was in convenience mode. I used to pay attention to her only when I had time. But when I learned to give her priority - sending texts even in between work, making time for her - only then she realized that my love is real.
(Also read: He's Too Busy For Me?)
👉 Practical tip: Ask yourself this question—does he only call you when he's bored, or does he make room for you in his day? If it's the second option, it's clearly love.
Real life experience of Mehul and Kiran
Our story may touch your heart, because it is not a fairytale, but an imperfect marriage that healed itself.
"During separation, I got clarity that love is not in flowers or expensive gifts, but in small repair steps after fights. When I openly told Kiran, 'I was wrong,' only then the trust between us was restored." — Mehul
"The biggest sign for me was that he openly introduced me to his friends and family. That day I felt that this man is not just talking, but is actually making me a part of his world." — Kiran
The journey of both of us is proof that love is never perfect. It depends on effort, accountability and integration.
Red flags that are disguised as love
Many times women think that gestures that seem intense are love. But in reality, they can also be red flags.
Calling over-jealousy care: If he monitors you everywhere and says "I care for you," it's not love, it's control.
Hot-cold cycles: Sometimes too close, sometimes too far—this is emotional unavailability. Real love is consistent.
Love bombing: Gifts, long texts, grand gestures in the beginning, but consistency zero. This is not love, it is manipulation.
👉 Practical tip: Love will not make you anxious, it will make you feel safe. If his/her behavior is disturbing your nervous system, then it is not love.
💝 Ready to Unlock His Heart Forever?
Understanding the signs is just the beginning. If you want to create the deep, lasting love you deserve, you need to understand the secret psychology that drives men to commit completely.
Thousands of women have transformed their relationships using these proven techniques. Don't let confusion and uncertainty rob you of the love story you deserve.
Discover His Secret Obsession →FAQs: How to Know If a Guy Loves You
👉 Just writing "good morning" or "I miss you" is not enough. Real love is shown when he pays attention to your smallest details and consistently checks in. Like – "Did you eat?", "How was your meeting today?", or "You mentioned a headache yesterday, feeling better now?"
When a guy includes you with "we" language in the future ("We should try that new café next week"), it is clear proof that in his mind, you are not a short-term but a long-term partner.
👉 The difference between shy and uninterested men is subtle. A shy guy won't be expressive, but he will show his love with reliability. He might not show affection in public, but he will call on time, quietly pay attention to your needs, and prove it with his actions.
An uninterested guy, on the other hand, will give excuses— "I was busy," "I forgot" —and will be vague about a future with you. If he brings you into his world, even gently, he is shy but interested. If he avoids, it's lack of interest.
👉 Every person is different. Some men open up quickly, while some take time to get emotionally invested. According to research, commitment-ready men start showing serious signs in about 3–6 months. But more important than the timeline is the pattern—are his actions consistent? Does he take accountability in fights? Does he integrate you in the future? If yes, then timing doesn't matter.
👉 If there is a difference between words and actions, always trust the actions. Love is not proved by just saying "I love you." If he repeatedly makes promises but doesn't fulfill them, it shows a lack of commitment. Real love is one in which words and actions sync. For example, if he says "you are important to me," he will show it too - by making time for you, repairing conflicts, and supporting your dreams.
👉 No. Real love means he gives you freedom, space, and is still consistently there for you. Love is not possessiveness or control. If he sticks to you all the time but crushes your individuality, it is not love, it is insecurity. Real love gives you breathing space and still makes you feel safe.
👉 Mild jealousy can sometimes be normal—because it is a part of attachment. But if jealousy turns into over-control, it is a red flag. For example—doubting your friends, tracking your every activity, or making you feel guilty—this is not love, it is insecurity and control. Healthy love has both trust and freedom.
👉 Many men love you but are unable to express it openly because of past heartbreaks, family patterns, or personal fears. If he loves you but is afraid, his gestures will be subtle—he will keep listening to you, take care of your small needs, and will be genuinely scared of losing you in fights. He might hesitate to say "I love you," but his actions will prove that you are his priority.
Patience is key in such cases. If you see consistency, care, and future narration, then he really loves you—he just needs the courage to say it openly.
Conclusion: Choose the peaceful, not the emotional
If you are wondering how to know if a guy loves you, then don't go for grand gestures or romantic dialogues.
The real proof is how he treats you on a daily basis, how he repairs you after fights and where he places you in the future.
Love is when you feel safe, seen and valued with him.
"True love is when you feel safe, seen, and sought — not just when you feel desired."
Remember, love isn't fast or dramatic. It unfolds quietly in consistency, accountability, and integration.
freedom, space, and is still consistently there for you. Love is not poss
